2012 Tour de Burg Letters of Intent

Last Updated June 29th, 2012

Dir SirHaving recently been summoned by a certain world champion for my driving and navigational skills for this said Tour de Burg Event I will be attending each stage and touring on my fat tired bicycle. However as serious as I take such driving duties, other facets such as riding bicycle fast may get pushed to the back burner. This is nothing new, just another new excuse for what I am actually do out there.

Thank you for your consideration

M. boYes

Slummin! and the living is easy. Cheaper than staying home! I am in. Full Pull. No Bull. The ranks of the Cupcakes may be slimming but I'm not! However, the ping pong game is better than ever. Looking forward to the seasonal pilgrimage to Suffertown.

Carp,This is my letter of intent. I’m headed towards the full pull, but have a few scheduling items I’m balancing. Everything should work out fine.

I’ll see who else might be into it.


Frank Dubec

Carp,Count me in for full pull

Adam Williams

Carp,I wear a size small leader’s jersey.


Ryan Fawley

Le Tour Directeur,After backside tenderness relegated me to only completing the mountain stages in 09, I’m back in for a second attempt at DFL glory. If accepted, I plan to participate in every stage.

Kind Regards,

Mark Veerman

Count me in for all the days! Im very excited to see more of the trails around harrisonburg than what i normally just do during the SM100!Ian Spivack

i ll be shooting for all 7 stages.Ride,Suffer, Eat and Sleep in these order. Or do em all backward.

Batbayar Batchuluun

Dear Director,Much to my surprise, I have been summoned by my sponsors to summons the driving skills of Mr. Bo Yes once again. This will be a testament of my fortitude as domestic duties loom heavy. I will slum with the best of the slummers. The race for me has already begun, as I have little time left to assemble my steeds. I am already pitted against the clock. As for concerns of my attitude which faltered last year, let me put those to rest. I will not donate any blood, plasma, semen, or anything else for that matter which should help tremendously. So yes I will be there to suffer by your side (or miles behind you) in my quest for a tenth Tour de ‘burg participation medal.

Buck Keich

Upon numerous requests and suggestions from one Kyle Lawrence and one Ryan Fawley, and the ability to ride for a full week outside of Ohio, I will be attending the TDB for a full tour. This is hereby my intent to dive headlong into the week of suffering that is offered in the GNAR of Virginia.Eric Hamann

Carp,I wear a size small KOM jersey. Ryan will be able to wear it too while I wear the Leader’s Jersey.

Zack Morrey


Commissar Carpenter,This letter represents my intentions to join The Boys of Slummer, aka The JV Squad, for the June 30 stage from HalfMoon- Little Sluice Mtn and the July 1 stage from Hopkins Gap – Suppenlick Ridge. While I regret being unable to join for the duration of Le Tour, I will fly the pink and maroon flag proudly (sort of) for the two stages I am able to attend.

Looking forward to underperforming.


Grant Patterson

Carp,I am looking forward to completing days one (prologue) through four of the tour. Although my attempt at the full pull fell one day short last year due to simply being soft, this year I have a family trip to NYC for the 4th of July that departs Tuesday morning to use as my primary excuse.

See you next Friday, if not before.


Hi Mike C.Count me in for Saturday and Sunday’s TDB stages. Thanks!

Mike Tabasko

MikeThanks for your email.

I intend to ride at least one and hopefully two stages. Likely the same for my wife Paula. Probably the saturday, sunday, or monday stages.

Hope you are well

Our two year old Chase is keeping us on our toes!

I’ll show you some cool video of him at tdb Thank you

Kent Baake

Mike!Hope you are doing very well man.

I wanted to throw my name in for at least a weekend’s-worth of tour stages (Sat/Sun 6/29 and 6/30).

I’ve got a new job here in NC so I can’t swing the full pull, but I’ll come to play and hang out for the weekend. Looking forward to it!

Have a good one.

– Jake

Hear Ye Hear Ye�. Rick Ralph Reuben the Rocket Kline does here by pledge to ride some of perhaps all of the 2012 Tour de Burg. DID YOU HEAR ME OR SHOULD I SPEAK LOADER. Yes, I will once again expose myself to the inevitable pain of the Tour! The cupcake squadra, despite the team�s lack of logistical cohesion, a lack of a true podium contender and the splintering muscle cramps that are bound to come, will once again have the loudest man in the peloton. That�s right step right up bitches, you southern punks can�t howl like this dog. You may be able to drop me on the bike but I will inevitable catch you at the sag wagon and demand proper play by play accounts of the smack down. By the way� If anyone has some extra performance enhancer please let me know I will pay top dollar. Once I do acquire said performance enhancer I will be available to the top bidder for domestique services. I�m also willing to swap domestique services for the performance enhancer.Reuben

R.R Kline


Dear Esteemed Tour Committee, The Intergalactic Sport Director of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, (here-on referred to as we) is pleased to announce that Mr Irey has completed his two (2) year competition ban and will be permitted to compete in the Grandest of all Grand tours, The Tour d' Burg, this year of 2012. We trust that you will honor him with the same penthouse suite and voluptuous concierge's that he and his medicinal staff have enjoyed since his last attempt during the 2010 version, which is the version that got him banned for two years.Thank you, Bart Dingelhimieirschmidt.

Can't wait Carp. See you on Friday.Adam

Esteemed Msr. Carpong,Allow me to submit my intent to poach Monday-Wednesday of the only race that matters! Regrettably, I can’t make the weekend stages due to a wedding. If Bailing Grant Patterson tags me in on Sunday night, can I take over his inevitable DFL jersey? I am ready to embrace the slum!

Father Delaney

JV Squad

Le Tour Director,While in a questionable state of mind…I agreed to leave the fertile lands of Dayton to join Team Veerman and attempt the completion of the full pull while celebrating his recent transition to the other side of the hill. Please accept this as my letter of intent and please give notice to those that will be manning the sag wagon and riding sweep of my acceptance.


Ray Gay

Carp - 1 day only for me. See ya Monday at Braleys. Thanks for the invitation.Dave T.

Dear Race Organizing Committee,I first heard of Harrisonburg in Mountain Bike Magazine in the summer of 2008. I was from Colorado but living in DC at the time. It sounded fun so I loaded up my ColoradoCadillac and journeyed down there. I told the bicycle shop proprietor I was from Washington DC and desired to ride the finest trails in the valley. He must have considered my current residence and mistaken me for a rollerblader because he initially directed me to the local bike paths around town. I had to re-phrase my query as, “I’m really from Colorado and want to shred some sick gnar brah.” He looked me in the eyeball, unfurled the map, and went about directing me to the goods. Of course I had girlyman little Colorado tires and more or less lacked any skill except that I could pedal really hard up long fireroads at altitude, all of which did me no good in Harrisonburg. But…I’ve been hooked ever since.

Prior commitments, poor life choices, and occasional rollerblading prevented my participation in the Tour de Burg. This year, I’m throwing my chamois into the ring. Full pull. I can’t wait!

–Collin Becker

Carp,Full pull… full slum.


Mike Runnals

Dearest Mr. Carp,Several of my teammates have spoken very highly of the fine quality suffering that is le Tour de Burg. Several of them will also be joining you for the Full Pull! I have prior, much more lame, arrangements for the weekend, But would love to join you Monday-Wednesday. Suffering 9 – 5 like its my job.


Dan Wolf

Most beneficent, beloved, and benevolent directeur sportif:My intention heretofore was to ride the full tour without slamming my face into the ground.

However, several hours ago the outside edge of a car door swung into the street just as my right thigh was traveling passed. Car door and thigh occupied the same space for the same instant, ripping asunder the space-time continuum and leaving me with an awesome gimpy limp. If anyone would like to take this opportunity to come at me with a 2 X 4, or tell me how old I’m looking, or tell me I’m going to die alone and lonely, or tell me what a dumb-shit choice of a graduate degree law was and how I’m still going to be paying for it when I retire, OR, the old standby, mock me for my tiny penis, there has never been a better time.

I really, really, really, REALLY am going to try to full pull, because you know what that would mean? That would mean that FOUR out of FOUR residents of 538 Lee Ave would be full pulling. How awesome is that?? How many you got, JV Lair?? How about you, Chriscottistan?






I'm still waiting for a formal invite. I was just gonna crash the party. I guess you can consider this my letter of intent.Nate

Honorable Director,After shuffling through sponsorship issues, past endorsements and future endeavors I find myself full of intent to compete in the 2012 Tour De Burg. TEAM GREEN Bitches!!!


The dynamic trio, kyle, whitney, and the one and only kurt here by declare our perfect attendance at the tour de burg. Prepare thy troops. we will pillage your homes and pride.Love,


Director,What else would a NINJA(no income, no job asshole) do with her time than do the Tour de Burg.

Even though I’ve won it like 5 times, its no cupcake walk. And even though I’m a loser in life, maybe I can be a winner at Le Tour. Because the tour is about hopes, and dreams, fantasy , unicorns, four leaf clovers and winning lottery tickets and all things that aren’t based in reality.

I’ll be there



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